


You Aren't Alone (But Now I Am)

by NicoAndTheNineGalaxies



Series: Vent Fics [5]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, i actually put a message in this and it's important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 11:32:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16218149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies/pseuds/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies
Summary: Everything was set up, and he had his ukulele in hand, but…This show was going to be one of the shortest.  It had to be.~~~~~~~~~“Hey, everyone,” he said into the microphone.  It was greeted with cheers.But would they still be cheering at the end?





	You Aren't Alone (But Now I Am)

Tyler tried for a smile as he stepped up to the microphone, looking out at the crowd.  He couldn’t see most of the faces very clearly, but he could see one of two distinct expressions on the faces that he could see - excitement or confusion.

Everything was set up, and he had his ukulele in hand, but…

This show was going to be one of the shortest.  It had to be.

When he’d heard the news, he’d decided that he was going to play one song.  Just one. Because what else could he do?

“Hey, everyone,” he said into the microphone.  It was greeted with cheers.

But would they still be cheering at the end?

“There’s, um, this show’s going to be a short one.”

And there.  The cheers were silenced, the confusion rose up again, overtaking the excitement.  Tyler moved to sit down behind the piano, his fingers poised to play a familiar tune, but shaking so hard he could barely press the keys properly.

He had to do this.  He owed the clique this much.  What was the saying? ‘The show must go on?’

_ “Now the night is coming to an end _

_ The sun will rise, and we will try again.” _

Oh, god.  The next line...his voice shook, cracked.  He could barely get it out.

_ “Stay alive, stay alive, for me.” _

Tears stung his eyes, a lump grew in his throat, but he kept singing, his voice strained and tight, and he could barely force the words out, but he did anyway.

_ “You will d-die, but now your life is free _

_ Take pride in what is sure to die.” _

He cursed himself for stumbling like that.  He had to backtrack, to replay the part of the song.  He’d never had to do that during a show before.

_ “I will fear the night again _

_ I hope I’m not my only friend.” _

He couldn’t hit the high notes.  The tears didn’t just sting, they  _ burned.   _ They really did.  They felt like fire as they overflowed and streaked painful lines down his cheeks.  He choked on his words, his own lyrics, as he tried to sing them, using them to cover his sobs.

_ “Stay alive, stay alive, for me _

_ You will die, but now your life is free _

_ Take pride in what is sure to…” _

Oh, god.  Oh, god, it hurt.  He couldn’t get it out, he couldn’t say the last word.  His fingers shook and hovered over the keys, the keys that were now slick and wet with his tears, and he could only imagine those tears as blood instead, and it only made it worse - 

_ “...die.” _

There was no cheering.

There was only silence as Tyler broke down there, on stage, in front of all those people.  But he didn’t care about them.

After almost fifteen minutes of this, of silence broken only by alarmed whispers and Tyler’s echoing sobs, he finally managed to compose himself enough that he could stand once more, with the microphone as well.

Still sniffling, he knew he had to be the one to tell them, however much he wanted to run and hide.

“Before the show,” Tyler began, wincing when he heard his own voice, far too loud in the silent arena and raw from crying, “before the show, um, well...you see, Josh didn’t show up.  And so we checked the hotel, and…”

He had to say it.

“Josh is - he’s dead.”

Gasps of disbelief.

“Yeah.  He...he killed himself.”

And that was the breaking point for all of them.

Tyler thought he wouldn’t be able to cry anymore, but...it was too much.

Josh was gone.  Everyone knew about it now, and the arena was filled with the sounds of sobs and wails and Tyler knew that Josh had been wrong in the note that he had left, that so many people would care that he was gone, that it would change everything.  That nothing would be the same for any of them.

“Josh killed himself,” Tyler continued, gritting his teeth to fight through the tears, because he had a message and he was going to get it out, no matter how hard it was, “and I had no idea.  I didn’t see the signs. So you all listen to me, right now - “ his voice was so much more powerful than he’d expected it to be “ - when I tell you that, if you’ve got doubts, if you think  _ anyone _ you know might be planning to do the same, then you’ve got to help them, or get them to help themselves, or something.  Because - because tonight, I found out what it’s like to lose a best friend. Someone who was more than my best friend. Someone who was...was always there for me, and always by my side.  Someone who I loved. And if you’re planning to do the same, then you find someone who will be there for you. Find someone you care about, and someone who cares about you. Because you aren’t alone, okay?  I know that’s not always enough. Josh isn’t - or, I guess, he  _ wasn’t _ alone.  Never.”

His voice cracked again.  He couldn’t help it.

“But, I don’t know, maybe I should’ve done more.  That’s not important, though - what’s important is that there are so many people that would be here right now if they knew how much everyone around them cared.  Someone cares about you and you care about someone. Just...don’t wait until it’s too late to let them know, and please, please remember that you’re not alone.”

_ They aren’t, but what about me? _

“I’ve gone through stuff, too,” Tyler said softly, his voice beginning to trail off.  “Okay? Okay. You aren’t alone.”

As he walked off the stage, feeling as though he was leaving behind everything - Josh, the fans, the band itself, basically his  _whole life_ \- his own words echoed in his head.

_ You aren’t alone. _

_ You aren’t alone. _

 

_ But now… _

_ I am. _

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I don't know what this is, but I was feeling a little down today and this was the result.  
> I'm so sorry.  
> Galaxy ||-//


End file.
